Power often illicits a near Pavlovian response. Well conditioned for distraction, the antics of political strongmen easily leave us chomping at the bit for more, seduced by the details of their bodies as much as their minds. Over the course of the 20th Century, with the advent of photography and rapid-fire communications technology, we have come to fully understand the importance of aesthetics. We desire and better trust leaders with muscles as firm as their policies. Since beautiful women make the best actresses, and talent is so clearly related to desirability, why wouldn’t a hard stance on geopolitical issues be best articulated by a hard body?
When in early August 2007 then-Russian President Vladimir Putin stood for the ruggedly designed topless holiday photos that coined the phrase ‘Putin’s pecs’, the international public applauded the obvious governmental merits of his impressive physique. “Our President has a great body. A President like this should stay for another term, don’t you think so? I think so. Great body.” said one Russian woman when asked about the photos by a reporter from British Al Jazeera. Not since Benito Mussolini’s topless escapades had a national leader displayed such virility and strength. Armed with the musculature of grecian ideals, he was clearly fit to lead his country…and arguably still does. Perhaps he will not truly fall from power until gravity claims his physique too.
Our obsession with the carnal, corporeal minutia of powerful figures is based on the key political issue of aesthetics debated today, a discourse more universally mastered than any other. For example, if Sarkozy does in fact have love handles, can we ever talk about his government? Does Stephen Harper’s sweater vest make him more approachable or is it rather a bit stuffy? Does Sarah Palin look like the “toned-down version of the porn actress look”? There are a handful of dubious persons who claim these are but mere distractions from the real issues, that they are in fact a detriment to mature and critical discussion — such people are likely not fans of CNN and other major media outlets. Where are they getting their news from anyways?
In celebration of our Great Debate on physical attributes and accessories, and in the aim of furthering this noble discourse, what follows is a list of the best and brightest leaders, the most noble, courageous and cult-of-personality-worthy political stars of recent memory. Were you to walk past these men on the street no doubt you would double-take. If they approached you in a darkened bar you would weaken. It must then follow that they are the greatest leaders of the 20th Century.
Vladimir Putin
The bear of the north who shot a tiger can also be related to all other animals that have been used in sexual idioms. Known to pose topless, he once inferred that his beliefs may appear as a “political striptease.”
Benito Mussolini
Fascists really understood fashion. Reknowned for his sexual appetite, he fathered several children, had countless mistresses, and a myriad of sexual encounters with devoted followers.
Mustafa Ataturk
While secular in policy, the 1st president of Turkey has known many women in the “Biblical sense”. Strong jawed, a sharp dresser, he also enjoys horseback riding and is an avid dancer.
Fidel Castro
Though once one of the most stunning men on earth, he has done a poor job preserving his image….perhaps this relates to the initial glory and subsequent poverty of his movement.
Charles Taylor
His hunger for torture and murder must surely translate to a delightful, healthy form of sexual sadomasochism. His son “Chuckie” Taylor also follows after his father but unfortunately has been sentenced to 97 years for murder and torture.
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